My Most Expensive Year
Becoming more goal-oriented in 2022.
Hey friends!
Let’s get some housekeeping out of the way. You may have noticed we took last week off, which was because I was traveling. This week’s essay is coming a little late because I am, if you can believe it, traveling. What a world! What’s fun for you, reader, is that Tyler and I are actually traveling together, so you have some joint travel logs to look forward to. We’re in Hawaii to visit a fan (a dear friend who subscribes to this newsletter) so we’ll have lots to tell you soon (including: influencer angles, a plane ride from absolute hell, and serotonin for days). Now, down to business.
I’m normally not one for new year’s resolutions. Not because I don’t believe in the commitment or anything, but because I find that they’re often limited in scope. Often they also fall into toxic tropes, like diet culture, which I reject outright! This year, however, I made a resolution, and have more or less stuck to it. I’ll walk you through this year and how it went. But first, what was my resolution? It was “to become expensive.”
Now what does that mean? I’m what many people in my life would call “low maintenance,” which is a really nice way of saying I don’t take care of myself. I went years without a haircut until mid-pandemic I ordered shears off of Amazon and chopped it off myself in a panic. I abstained from group exercise because of my general lack of athleticism and social anxiety. I never painted my nails. All of these things are pretty basic luxuries, I know, but I didn’t realize doing nice things for yourself feels good! Sue me!
With my wedding coming up this year, I decided to make a resolution to take better care of myself, and to try out some of those luxuries for myself. I made the ultimate commitment and told my therapist: I want to become more expensive. And believe me, reader, she has held me to it!
So, how did that go? I’ll go month by month.
JANUARY: I join a pilates studio. I actually absolutely love it. Am I usually the only girl there rolling up in a too-big t-shirt, or sweating? Yes. But I’m ripped now! So fight me, you can’t!
FEBRUARY: There’s little luxury to find in a Chicago winter, but we spend some time at our neighborhood wine bar, where we are wine club members. Wine! Club! Members! This phrase means we are compelled to buy 2 specific bottles of wine a month, but still. It’s working for me. We also buy a fancy humidifier, because I regularly fall victim to Instagram ads, and this one had me in her clutches.
MARCH: I decide to start getting my nails done. This immediately backfires. After my second manicure in a month, my nails become very brittle. I have to learn how to “slug” my nail beds, and also how to explain that phrase to my mother.
APRIL: I decide to start getting my hair done again. Highlights baby, let’s go! I almost pass out in the salon chair because they left me with my head in the sink for too long. Glamorous!
MAY: I start going to the fancy nail salon now that my nails have recovered. That’s right baby, this salon has a wall of La Croix fridges, memberships, and uhhhh allows dogs it seems! I do not bring my dog. She too is expensive, but that’s because she has tummy troubles and I have to feed her Hill’s.
JUNE: I go on my bachelorette trip to Austin, where I feel beautiful and glamorous swimming in a rooftop pool with some of my best friends. I feel loved, I feel energized. Shortly after this, I am suddenly laid off from my job with no warning, exactly one month before my wedding.
JULY: Suddenly losing a large chunk of your joint income is a great way to make your wedding feel even more expensive. I am thankful for the distraction. We have the perfect wedding. I wore a tiara.
AUGUST: I become very successful and wealthy within the video game Stardew Valley. My farmhouse is beautifully decorated and I am the top purveyor of starfruit wine.
SEPTEMBER: I buy some fancy face creams from Drunk Elephant and Sunday Riley, hoping it will result in a serotonin release similar to my migraine medication. (This is how migraine medication works.) I look the same but they feel nice and I’m racking up Ulta rewards points.
OCTOBER: This is actually the third year in a row I’ve been job searching, and what I’ve learned is that once you get to October, you won’t hear back from anyone until January. I double down on pilates and try to wear more put together outfits there. I am still the sweatiest girl.
NOVEMBER: Trips to the hospital are classic expensive behavior.
DECEMBER: Tyler and I are going to Hawaii. I paint my nails Barbie pink for the occasion. I am writing this from the plane. On the next leg, I’m getting a glass of wine. Fuck it. I’m expensive.
[Editor’s note: I did not get that glass of wine. We’ll talk later.]
Conclusions: as far as resolutions go, I think this was a good one. Even though my actual expenses were definitely hampered by sudden unemployment (and ensuing and ongoing identity crisis), I put focus on taking care of myself in a way I haven’t before, and it absolutely makes me feel better about myself. I don’t know if I’ll keep it up in the new year (although I did fail my resolution to try a facial, and I may carry that one over at least) but one thing I’ll definitely keep is that it’s okay to be a little frivolous now and then.
If you had an interesting resolution, failed or otherwise, lemme know!
xoxo,
Caitlin
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